Unsure

I was watching this movie, Madea's Family Reunion, during the weekend. It wasn't so good but as I had nothing else to do, I sat through it anyway. I'm just happy to say that I was rewarded with some pretty good insight:

"Love is many things. It's varied. But one thing it is not and can never be is UNSURE."

Hay nako.

I love Heath Ledger

It's like a terrible joke.

I can't believe Heath Ledger is dead.

I actually got a bit teary-eyed when I read the news this morning. It's just crazy!

He was such a great actor. I am sure he will be remembered for his Oscar-nominated performance in Brokeback Mountain and his bold film choices (I'm Not There, Monster's Ball, Candy).

But I will forever love him as Patrick in 10 Things I Hate About You. I loved him in The Patriot and Casanova as well, but nothing beats his Can't-Take-My-Eyes-Off-You-singing bad boy character in that remake of The Taming of the Shrew. *sigh*

He will be sorely missed.

Time

They say time heals all wounds.

And so I am waiting...
to heal
to forget
to move on
to feel whole again.

Waiting...
for this nightmare to end
for this pain to go away
for this anger to fade
for this love to be whole again.

Life lessons

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin!

Thought for the Day

"Sometimes, I have to fall from the mountain to realize what I am climbing for...

Obstacles are placed in my way to see if what I want is really WORTH FIGHTING FOR...

From every wound there's a scar... and every scar tells a story...

A story that says: I SURVIVED! ...and will continue surviving!"

2007 / 2008

I've been trying to decide on whether to write a The-Year-That-Was piece on 2007 or not.

At first, I was thinking that 2007 was pretty unremarkable. Looking back, it seemed that nothing much happened -- nothing new, nothing out of the ordinary.

But when I thought about it again, it dawned on me that 2007 marked the longest time I have ever stayed at a job, and the longest time I've been in a relationship. Oh miracle of miracles.

I would like to take this as a sign of maturity. Oh yes, it seems that I am growing up. Finally, finally. Have I finally shed my restlessness and itching desire to be "anywhere else but here"?

Perhaps I have. Or then again maybe I haven't.

I am still waiting, with crossed fingers and a hopeful heart, for the results of my application to the Gottingen University in Germany for a Masters Degree. Guess I still have that longing to be somewhere else.

But this time, I know what I am doing. This time I have a plan, a workable plan. This should be quite unlike my harebrained (but really really fun!) trip to Thailand :P I just have to get accepted first! Darn, March seems so far away. Can't wait for the results!

Anyway, where was I? Ah, 2007, the year that was.

Well, it was a quiet year for me. But I guess in that quietness, I discovered how to live a better, happier life. I feel that I have mellowed down. I am more content with what Life has given me. I know who and what are important to me. And I know better than to clutter my life with what are not. I would like to believe that I have grown wiser.

I look forward to this year and the endless possibilities it brings. Where will tomorrow bring me? No one knows. But I am not afraid. In fact, I am excited. Whatever happens.

(Yes, even not getting accepted to that Masters Course. But I'd rather, much much rather, get accepted.)

Stronger and wiser, that's what I am. And with friends, family and loved ones at my side, I can face anything. 2008, bring it on!

On being maarte

I've been learning that some people think I'm maarte.

Now that just leaves me stumped. I know I shriek at the sight of cockroaches, gag at the thought of balut and roll my eyes at wrong grammar but God knows I can clean a toilet bowl (well, if I really have to), walk through dirt and mud, play with smelly, runny-nosed kids, eat at a Jolly Jeep, and many other things the real maarte people would never deign do.

I refuse to accept that I am maarte. Okay, maybe just a little. But I guess some people think otherwise. That's fine I guess -- to each his own opinion.

But what constitutes maarte anyway? There doesn't even seem to be an English word that captures its exact meaning. I have always believed that, just like beauty, it is in the eye of the beholder. Its meaning is quite relative, dependent on the, let me say, accuser.

So accuse all you want. But don’t let it stop you from appreciating my good qualities. (Yes, I do have some!)

What bugs me is that some people judge you as such and stop there. Maarte is an adjective for the superficial traits of a person. Refusing to get to know and appreciate another person once you have judged him or her as such, is almost the same as not choosing to befriend someone because he or she isn't physically beautiful.

My friend Karen should be able to tell you that when we first met, she thought I was one of the most maarte people she had ever met. And yet today we are the grandest of friends. And I am most grateful for her ability to look beyond this inexplicable (to me, anyway) maarte aura of mine.

I would like to think that I have this same generous and open spirit when it comes to others. (Hmm, I really think I do.) So I feel somehow miffed to think that others aren't that way. But oh well, what can I do? Not everyone's as nice :P

Perhaps the problem begins with one's insecurities. We can always judge someone to be like this or like that. Now the important thing is to ask how we hold our own against that. How do we deal with it? We can choose to be catty and nasty about it, or we can accept that people have their quirks and laugh at it. If you think you're fabulous, hell, everyone can be maarte for all you care.

****

As my very loyal friend commented, "insecure lang yan!", pertaining to this one person who said I'm maarte. Thanks Drea, you are so right! Haha.

So who cares if people don't want to get to know me because they think I'm maarte? I have friends who know I am, and love me anyway! :)

Boracay Island for the New Year

December 29, we flew to Caticlan via SEA Air on a 19-seater plane! It was a bit cramped and hot in the cabin, but we got there without a hitch. At the end of the flight, the pilot merely had to turn around to thank us for flying SEA Air, without even using a speakerphone! Haha :)

It was drizzling when we got to the island, and the weather forecast wasn't looking good. However, we had a lucky charm with us. The ambassador claimed that wherever he went, the weather turned fine, and so we shouldn't worry at all. True enough, by the time we checked in and finished our late lunch, the sun was shining through the clouds. He hadn't been kidding!

We watched the fire dancers at Summerplace that night. It was entertaining but they weren't as good as the Zip dancers I saw in Greenbelt a few months back. Oh well.

Tired but happy after a few hours of frolicking on the beach

Hanging out at Hey Jude, the only place we'd go for drinks

****

December 30 was another beautiful day. The sun was out and the sea was lovely. Doris, Jay and I rode on the Flying Fish. (We had wanted to do it last year but didn't get to.) It was a bit scary at first, but with two big guys flanking me, it turned out to be great fun.

We stayed on the beachfront watching the sun go down. Now I am finally fully convinced that we have the best sunsets!

I just had to have a sunset photo!

Catching the last few rays of the sun with Jay and Doris.

****

The Ambassador's charm seemed to be holding out until December 31. The presence of some undesirables almost marred my day, but with the golden sun, cool breeze and sparkling sea right before me, I couldn't allow anything to get me down.

We played cards on the beach. Jay beat me soundly at Gin Rummy. I then taught the Ambassador some Rummy, and he taught me some Poker. I don't think I will ever be good at it! I'd lose all my worldly possessions! :P

I wanted to enjoy an hour of peaceful massage but no, a fight broke out among some guys about 5 minutes into my massage. It lasted for about 15 minutes. Soon after, this bamboo ensemble started to play loudly some 10 meters away from me and didn't stop until my massage was almost over. So much for quiet and relaxation. Still, the lady managed to un-knot all the knots on my neck and shoulders. I was ready for a long night of partying!

Massage out in the open. Maybe it wasn't quite a good idea after all.

****

We had our New Year's Eve dinner at Le Soleil de Boracay. The food was good, though not spectacular. Still, with good wine (from Romania of course) and good company (minus the undesirables again), we had a great time. They provided all diners with kiddie trumpets and everyone had a jolly time breaking each other's ear drums.

And then came the fireworks. Just lovely. Nowhere else have I seen such a grand display of lights than in Boracay on New Year. Wherever I looked, the sky was ablaze in color. When I turned to the left, green sparks were falling towards me. On my right, white flames were shooting upward and bursting into a shower of gold. Glass of wine in hand, I sat back to silently enjoy the splendor of it all while all the people around continued making all the noise they could to welcome the New Year.

We capped our night by having some drinks at the White Party at Hey Jude. One too many drinks perhaps, for we danced our way back to the villa, stopping at clubs, both gay and straight, to party with other revelers that night. Exhaustion was a word we ignored. It was the best New Year Party ever! Fun fun fun! Can't wait for the next one!

Happy 2008 to all I love, you know who you are :)

Wine in my right hand, my honey on my left, who could ask for more?

Second year in a row with these guys in Boracay, love 'em all!